Saturday, June 22, 2013

Aagh

The first one came almost exactly on schedule. About 12:30 a.m. Since then, I've been having craving "flares" every 10 minutes or so. My body wants to know where its nicotine bottle is. Like a spoiled or starving baby.

These cravings suck. I ate a granola bar a little bit ago, and of course it made the cravings even more intense. All you can think about is, "It's time for a smoke now." Then you have to remind yourself that you no longer smoke. Once you do that, you experience the worst part of the urge. It's almost like waking from an amazing dream and finding only your mundane life, realizing that as good as the dream was, it's over now. Kiss it goodbye, because you're stuck back in reality. The trick is getting to the point where there is no distinction between the two.

Must remind myself: This is normal right now. It's supposed to feel miserable before it gets better. It will always feel miserable; there will never be a time when I give up smoking when I don't have to go through this awful part of it. Just like everyone else does.

Suffer a little now, big payoff later. Little payoff now, suffer a lot later. But man, it really sucks. Let me fast-forward, please.

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